Letter to Kate
by nalimom
Summary: Kate gets a very unexpected birthday present


Kate Beckett opened the first edition Castle had given her earlier that evening at her birthday party. She hadn't noticed the envelope tucked inside the dust jacket until it had fallen out onto the floor of her apartment. She picked it up and read her name written in his handwriting. She opened it and unfolded the note inside.

_Dearest Kate,_

_Your friendship has been the most important of my life and yet I find myself longing for so much more. At first I was infatuated by your beauty and wanted desperately to have you. The more I watched you work, saw the passion with which you try to get justice for the victims of senseless crimes, watched you ease family members through their pain, the more captivated I became. I found myself seeking your quick wit and brilliant mind._

_There were a few times in my life when I thought I was in love, but now I know that I was fooling myself. I have never felt anything that resembled my feelings for you and now I am sure that I never will. I wake up thinking of you every morning. My last thought every night is of you. You fill my dreams. You fill my days and it is not enough._

_If I never touch your soft skin, if I never kiss those beautiful lips… If I never know the ecstasy of making love with you, if I never know the blinding joy of waking up in your arms, I will still be the happiest man alive because I spend my days with you._

_I wrote this in a letter so that, if you choose, you can pretend to have never read it and we can continue with our lives as they have been. As much as I want to be yours, I could not bear it if I couldn't be with you. I am yours to do with as you wish..,_

_Rick_

Beckett sat on the arm of her couch and stared at the letter. She read it over and over, searching for some sign that it was a joke. He loved to mess with her. This had to be a joke. But what if it wasn't? What would it be like to be Rick Castle's girlfriend? His lover? She had fantasized about it many times. So many times. The butterflies in her stomach as she read it for the tenth time were nearly paralyzing.

Castle paced his office, muttering to himself. Why had he put that letter in her book? What had he been thinking? If he screwed up the relationship they already had over a fantasy he would never be able to forgive himself.

"Idiot!" he said to the empty room. He thought of the days before her and felt so empty and alone.

"Who are you talking to?" Alexis said from the doorway. She looked worried when she saw how agitated he was. "Is this to do with a case?"

"No, Sweetie." He walked over and hugged her. "I just did something really stupid and I am hoping I won't regret it."

"What did you do?"

He sat down at his desk and let out a big sigh. She sat on the arm of his chair and put an arm around his shoulders. "I told Beckett that I love her." He looked down at his hands and said, "Stupid!"

"Whoa." She jumped up. "This is huge!"

"Yeah." He looked out the window. "And stupid."

"Maybe not." She got very excited. "What if she feels the same way? That would be awesome! She is a really good influence on you, Dad. And I like her a lot."

"This is probably a moot point. After she reads it, she will probably never want to see me again. It has a creepy stalker vibe."

Alexis sat in his lap and gave him a tight hug. "You gave it to her in a letter? Why not take her to a nice evening and tell her?"

"I'm better with written words. That, and it gives her the option of pretending she never read it."

"Well, if it helps at all, I love you."

He looked into her crystal blue eyes and said, "It helps a lot." He kissed her. "I love you too."

The doorbell rang. "You think Grams forgot her key again?"

"She said she wouldn't be home tonight." He got up from the desk and walked to the front door, Alexis close behind him. He opened the door and saw a very nervous looking Kate Beckett standing there. Nobody spoke for a moment.

"Can I come in?" She said uncertainly.

"Of course." Castle took a step back and watched her walk past him.

"Well, it's way past my bedtime." Alexis got up from the chair arm she was sitting on and stood for a moment. "It's great to see you Detective Beckett."

"Yeah, you too."

"Night, Dad." She kissed him on the cheek and whispered in his ear. "Good luck, and don't screw it up."

"Good night, sweetie." He watched her walk up the stairs and turned back to Beckett. "Come and sit down." He led her to the overstuffed leather sofa. He walked to the kitchen and poured two glasses of wine. He walked back to her and set them on the coffee table. "Hope you like Merlot."

"Yes, thanks." She was perched uncomfortably on the edge of the couch. "Castle, that letter…"

"I'm sorry. It… I shouldn't have done it. I just had a moment of tremendous weakness." He looked into her eyes, but not with his usual confidence.

She looked out the window at his spectacular view of the city. "What if I liked it?" She said softly, without looking back at him.

"What?"

"What if I was glad to get it?" This time she met his eyes.

He swallowed noticeably and couldn't find words for a moment, not something that often happened to him. "In that case, it is completely true and every word was directly from my heart."

"So what happens now?"

"You tell me." He turned toward her, his knee barely brushing hers. "I meant what I said. If you are not interested in exploring anything more, then I will back off."

"And if I am interested?" She once again raised her dark brown eyes to hold his.

"Why don't we start with these glasses of wine and an evening in," he gently brushed a stray bit of her hair away from her cheek, then allowing his fingers to softly trace the line of her jaw. She closed her eyes and sighed very softly at the contact, not opening her eyes until he was no longer touching her.

Kate leaned over and kissed his cheek very softly, lingering as long as she dared. "I love you." She whispered.

He looked into her eyes for a long moment, hardly daring to believe. He slowly leaned toward her, but stopped short of kissing her. He was determined to let her set the pace, for fear of breaking the spell.

Kate moved closer, her lips nearly touching his. "Say it, Castle." She whispered.

Castle drunk in her scent, feeling completely intoxicated. He barely brushed her lips with his. "I am amazed by you every day." He kissed her just a little more purposefully. "You make me the man I always wanted to be." He kissed her passionately. "I adore you."

It was some time before any other words were uttered.


End file.
